


What is a name

by Blue_Foxx_99



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Boys In Love, Dream Bubbles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fainting, Falling In Love, Hugs, Kissing, Love Confessions, Love at First Sight, M/M, Mutual Pining, Neck Kissing, Romance, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sleep Deprivation, Slow Burn, Starkiller Base, Sweet, Worry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-04-08 09:46:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14102739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Foxx_99/pseuds/Blue_Foxx_99
Summary: Hux's dreams and wishes are projected to Kylo every single night and it leaves the knight confused, angry and upset.Who is this person Hux is dreaming about?Who is this man that Hux has feelings for?Who is Ben in Hux's dreams?Are only a few questions that keeps the dark Knight awake at night.A/N Because Kylo is a bit thick sometimes....





	1. Dream you wide awake

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story in progress but I don't know when I will be able to post the second chapter although the first one can stand on its own. I hope you like it :) please comment and let me know what you think. The story is posted on wattpad too, on my account.  
> The story hasn't been beta read but I am trying my best. sorry for the mistakes.

A/ N Part one. Draft one. It might change.

Ren, Ben... seriously now, what is a name? 

It was one of those damn days on the Finalizer. Right after the destruction of Star Killer Base. Everyone was working hard, quietly, at the new plans. Their heads down, furrowed eyebrows, deep in concentration, barely interacting with each other unless it was necessary. It felt like a sadness fell over the entire crew. All those years of hard work and all for nothing. The Starkiller Base was destroyed. 

Pharma was doing her work plans and followed her schedule without much interaction with any of the Stormtroopers, not even the ones that were her friends. The training with the new recruits was mostly in the lines of what the papers were saying and nothing else. 

Mitaka was just as quiet and buried in his work like everyone else. Working in his small office, leaving the confined four walls in case of an emergency. Everyone was so buried in their work, that they barely interacted with each other. General Hux was the worst of them all. He barely slept, barely ate and barely spoke to anyone. In the last few months, since the Starkiller base was destroyed and all his work for the last couple of years crumbled at his feet, he was not himself any more. He was spending his time making plans for a new Stakiller, a better one. more powerful and harder to be destroyed. Hux started to lose weight as he barely had time to eat, all general Hux was doing in the last few weeks was work from the very early start at 6am till, sometimes later that 3am next day, when exhaustion took over him. 

His mood had changed of course. He was easily irritated, his tolerance to imbecility- to call it like he did- was getting low. He barely spoke to people, especially with his friends, Pharma and Mitaka and never had a day off in like, what six weeks? To say that he was deep in work would be an underestimation. The crew was well aware of his hard work and the damages that were visible with each day on his mood, character and health. But they never said anything to him. One of them had the brilliant idea-  during a small gossip break- to talk to Lord Ren and ask him to take Hux off duty and let the exhausted general rest for a short break. But honestly, who dared to talk to Lord Ren? No one, if they could avoid they could just pretend the man didn't exist.  
It was late at nigh, past midnight when general Hux went to his quarters and locked the door behind him with he key. Then stopped a few steps away and turned to look at the heavy steel door. He never locked the door with the key, I mean the password lock was enough to keep anyone out if they didn't knew his password. And believe me, no one knew his password. But tonight he felt so exhausted that he felt the need to lock the door behind him. He shook his head slightly and walked towards his couch. He stretched towards the ceiling, his long arms lifted in the air, his head fell back. A big yawn erupted from his chest. He pondered for a few seconds to go to shower but decided against it. Today he felt extremely tired and he decided to have a shower in the morning. If he could fall asleep now would be great. He didn't sleep very well in like what... months? 

So general Hux removed his greatcoat, then his jacket and shoes. Place it on the back of a chair, then left on a black shirt, he fell face first in his king size bed and closed his eyes. An uncomfortable bulge bothered him and he groaned in annoyance. Something under his belly was requesting attention. He rubbed his hips on the bed a few times but exhaustion took over him and he decided to ignore the problem. I'll leave it for another time. He thought before drifting to sleep.

~  
Kylo was pacing the room with his hands fisted at his sides. He could see through the force the  fingers brushing long hair, away from a pale forehead. Tangling into those curls, the fingers scrapped the scalp of the person in his arms, combing the silky hair away from the face. Fog covered his mind so Kylo couldn't see the other person face. The crease between his eyebrows deepened when Kylo frowned. The light in the room was dim and the couple fell in the bed, his arms went around the waist of the other person, then tightened around it, breathing in the spicy scent. Crocked teeth were scrapping the soft skin under his jaw and he moaned "Oh, Ben!". The heavy body is pressing his fragile frame on the silky, black bed sheets, humming low whimpers like a purring cat. Hux surrenders to him, arms opening wide and gripping the edge of the bed in his sweaty palms. His velvety mouth nibbles at Hux's ear. "You like this?" He asks when Hux cries, voice low and seductive. The red head nodded slowly. His knees fell apart, wide open, parted by him. His thigh rubbing erotically against Hux, hoping to gain more of those shameless mewls.

Kylo could sense the pleasure Hux felt, the way he dreamed that his skin would tingle when the fleshy lips would brush the base of his neck. Then the image of that wavy hair, brushing the soft skin of his chest invaded his mind, but before he managed to look deeper, to see who is the person kissing Hux's skin, the connection broke and Kylo gasped. Like a blow in the middle of his torso, the connection is broken, leaving Kylo breathless. 

He stepped slowly to the window with his knees shaking and his breath coming in deep gasps. 

A soft sight escaped his cracked lips and he leaned over the window frame. Kylo's eyes closed, his forehead rested on the glass. 

'Who is he?' he whispered softly. 'Who is this Ben you are dreaming about, General?' All this connection he had with the other man was leaving him restless, tired and something more. He could not understand why he had this connection with him but when the General was dreaming about someone else, it made Kylo upset. He knew that unconditional love asks for nothing, so he didn't expected anything, but he wanted the General to be happy, and if the General was dreaming about someone else, Kylo could only step aside. He didn't do anything concerning his feelings towards the General, never acted upon them, Hux had no idea how Kylo felt about him, but he promised that one day, one day he will have the courage to confess.

In the last few months, the connection grew stronger with each night but only tonight he heard Hux say the name and Kylo can't stop wondering who is Ben?

 

~*~*~* 

'Good Morning, General.' Captain Phasma chirped. He nodded his head, slightly only but carry on walking. Once on the bridge, he gave instructions for the day then returned to his office to deal with the paperwork that came form the technical team. Hux sat at his desk and growled in annoyance when he saw the number of emails awaiting for his attention. He took off his greatcoat and placed it nicely on the back of his leather chair, then he removed his black gloves and went to the cafetière in the corner and poured himself a double shot of espresso. No milk, no sugar.  
Sitting back down at his desk, Hux opened the window with the emails and scrolled to the most old arrived ones. One by one he answered the emails and send the documents required by each of them. An hour later his coffee was cold and his back was aching. Hux sat up and poured the cold liquid down the sink then approached the cafetière to pour himself another coffee. Same one as before. When the hot liquid was in the paper cup, he picked it up with cold fingers and he stepped closer to the large window behind his desk. It was a beautiful view out there of the green planet where the Finalizer landed a few days ago. The vast forest ahead was glistening in the light and the sky looked bright and clear. His phone buzzed and he turned startled checking the message from Phasma. 

G. Phasma: Floor 5, room 239, the matter is not an emergency but please send me the papers when you have time. 

He knew what it was and nodded to himself. Taking another sip from his coffee, he lit a cigarette and took a deep drag from it. He turned to the window and looked over the green blanket of trees. The images from last night's dream came back to him and he suppressed a groan. He was annoyed at it. He couldn't rest in peace! He decided that the best course of action would be to ignore the problem. Because this way will go away. Like when you have a cold. Will go away at some point, right? If you ignore it, it will heal and go away. Only he knew, it won't be the case with his problem. Sure, if being in love with someone and suffering from not being able to be with that someone could be compared to a cold that comes and goes. 

No, he was deeply in love. 

The dream last night felt so strange. He could feel the hands... he could see the black hair clearly. He sighed and finished his last drag of his cigarette, then dropping it in the tray next to the other bud, the General sipped the last bit of coffee he had left and threw the cup in the bin. Back on the bridge, he meet captain Phasma then discussed the details for the expansion they were planing on the Finalizer. He took the papers from Phasma and they moved to the meeting room. Two hour later, Hux couldn't stopped his mind drifting away from what the discussion was all about. It was past eleven and Hux felt his concentration slip. He couldn't handle anymore discussions about budget, rotas, schedule and plans for the year ahead. All he could think was that special person he cared about. The desire to be with the person became unbearable. What was he doing!? He resisted the temptation to send a message to this person and ask why they weren't present at the meeting, but no, Hux controlled himself and didn't send any text. He tried his best to concentrate and be active in the meeting. 

When the meeting was finally over,  Hux rushed outside and tried to ignore Phasma who was trying to catch up with him. She was trying to speak to him but he carried on walking fast. When she finally caught up with him he was walking half way across the bridge and stopped turning abruptly. 

'What is it, Captain?' he snapped. Before the Captain had the chance to talk, she frowned at something behind Hux. He raised an eyebrow and turned only to find himself nose to nose with Kylo Ren. 

'Ren.' he said slowly and lifted another questioning eyebrow at the tall man. 

'General.' Kylo Ren said and his voice sounded angry, even with the vocoder of his mask. Hux frowned, he didn't had time for Ren's bullshit right now! But without being able to stop it, a small there you are appeared at the bottom of his tired mind. 

Phasma seemed to take a step back from the two men, slowly inching away. 

'I'll speak to you later, General.' she said 'I'll email you the details of the projects for west wing and the blue prints.' she added then turned to leave. 

'No need to leave, Captain. I'm sure Ren can wait and whatever he needs to speak to me about, can be delayed. Our plans for expansion are more important.' he bit back and his voice sounded a lot more harsher than he expected. Kylo snorted under the mask. Did Hux tried to scold him by saying that, since he missed the meeting? Phasma and the other twenty lieutenants and officers working on the bridge that morning stopped in their tracks and watched the interaction between their General and Lord Ren. Hux smirked and looked at Ren expecting to be force chocked, or an explosion of anger, but when the taller man stepped closer, invading the General's personal space, Phasma's blue eyes widened under the mask and felt the thick tension that lifted in the air. She slowly took a step back. The other officers turned to their tasks, pretending to be busy. 

'I suggest you listen to what I have to say.' he spoke lowly through the vocoder and Phasma took that as a hint to leave. 

'I'll see you in your office, General.' she turned and walked to the main console where Mitaka was pretending to check on the budget documents he received from the Financial team. 

'What is so important to talk about, Ren?' he spoke loudly, not carrying if everyone on the bridge could hear him. To be honest, he knew everyone probably had their ears sharp, listening to what they were saying. 

'Captain Phasma and lieutenant Mitaka will take over the Finalizer today. They will be in charge of everything and you, General, will have no business around the bridge.' his voice was low and deep, and the General knew that Ren was trying to keep his voice low so no one could hear them. 

'I believe that is not possible, Ren. I am in charge here and nothing will change for today or any other day.' he answered then walked passed Ren. 

'I believe, General, you should take a day off. Away from the Finalizer and focus on your health. It affects the officers working with you.' he answered lowly and they reached the exit door from the bridge. 

'I am perfectly fine. Capable of working and if my...' 

'You are not in conditions of working right now.' 

'What do you know about my condition!? I assure you, I am in perfect condition to work and you have no right to come and interrupt me. My team is busy, and they have no time for pointless discussions.'

'So you are annoyed that I missed the meeting? Is that why you are so wind up?' Ren asked but Hux turned to leave when Ren grabbed his arm to hold him in place. 

'Let go of me, Ren!' he shouted. Great, now everyone was looking at them. 

'You are beyond tired and stressed, General. You need rest, and believe me when I say this, it is only because I worry about the Finalizer and the expansion plans, I am telling you to go and rest for the rest of today.' No, Ren was bluffing. He didn't really cared about the expansion plans. Just the mere fact that the General thought were loud and interfered with his mediations. 

'You know nothing about me or the plans at this point. I can't leave and take a day off! I am busy.' he said through gritted teeth, then exited the bridge. 

'Is it me, or there is some serious sexual tension between these two?' one of the officers asked Mitaka. 

'I thought it is just me who sees it! I can see it too.' the lieutenant answered. 

When the steel door closed behind them, it was when he realised that the grip Ren had on his arm was loose and he could actually move at free will. They stopped outside the door, knowing that even if someone was trying to listen to their conversation it would be hard to hear. And the long corridor was empty at that time so Hux knew they could speak freely. 

'You can leave all the business to Captain Phasma and Lieutenant Mitaka. She is more than capable to handle the bridge. You can't focus any more and you need rest. ' Ren almost whispered. If General Hux could have seen Ren's face he would have understand what the taller man was saying. How serious Ren was, but all he could see was that damn mask covering Ren's face. 

'I am perfectly well. I am well aware of what is Captain Phasma capable of but...' 

'No, you are not fine.' Ren whispered and took another step closer invading Hux's personal space once more, hoping that the General would be intimidated by his intrusion. 

'You are not fine, you are in so much need of rest. You are very horny, General, and you can't work under so much stress.' his words were a bare whisper. And Hux's cheeks coloured instantly. His sharp gaze pierced through the metal mask. 

'How dare you...?' he said but Ren cut him off. 

'I can feel it. While I can black out most of the officer's thoughts, I can't block you. I can see...' he stopped wondered what he should say and if it was wise to talk in here or drag Hux somewhere else, more private. 'I can see images and thoughts you are having.' 

'I will not speak to you about...' but he left the sentence unfinished and walked away, his heart drumming in his chest. Hux punched the code to his office and entered followed by Ren. With a soft click and a hiss, the mask was off.

'I must ask you to leave! There is no time or wish from me to discuss such matters with you. I can assure you that I am perfectly fine and capable to handle the team.' Ren stepped in front of the desk and regarded the General without saying anything. Then: 

'I take you off charge of the Finalizer' he announced 'For today, and require you to take the day off, for rest. Your mind will be sharper and fresher tomorrow.' Ren talked slowly, putting accent on each of his words. Hux frowned, he was angry. 

'You? Taking me off charge?' Hux said, shocked. 'Don't bloody make me laugh! You have no right! I don't need rest, I am having enough rest  during nights.' Ren walked around the desk and lifted his hand. 

'Funny, because last night I could barely sleep because of your dream. I could see with your eyes everyhing you were dreaming. I don't know who he is, I can't see that' he told him angry 'but  those two hours of sleep you had, they were... you were restless. Blue prints, schedules, plans, budget, documents, recruitment, him....' Ren said in a whisper. 'I need to sign the documents from lieutenant Ormons, I need to re-check the blue prints, maybe tighten the budget and him.... all you can think of is him. I can see the images you create in your head about him.' Hux was speechless. What was Ren talking about, how could he know? Hux's frown deepened. 

'Who is he?' Ren asked softly. 

'I don't know what are you talking about.' he tried to sound harsh but his voice was soft and strangled. His throat was dry. He tried to step aside from Ren but his arm stopped him blocking his way. 

'You imagine how your hands would feel in his hair.' his voice took that low note, soft and silky 'How his fleshy mouth would make your skin prickle when he kisses the base of your neck.' Hux pushed past Ren and walked away from his desk in an attempt to disperse the tension. He picked up the remote control and lowered the temperature that was coming from the air con. Ren was writing something on his datapad and Hux poured himself a cup of water. 

'I've called Captain Phasma and Lieutenant Mitaka in here. They will take over for today. ' Ren said. Hux closed his eyes tight, his back facing Ren. He took another sip from his cup then looked up, at the air con panel. He set if for -10*C. 

Suddenly a knock on the door came and Phasma entered followed by Mitaka. They both stopped and looked at their General. He looked tired and angry but his cheeks were extremely red. He didn't say anything while Ren gave them instructions for today and informed them about General's day off. Hux nodded at them when they turned to receive his approval. After all, they responded to General Hux more than anyone else. More than Kylo Ren, apprentice of Supreme Leader Snoke.


	2. Searching for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kylo tries to help Hux be with his Ben.

_He grabbed his wrists and dragged him into the empty hallway. Hux looked quickly around then turned to look at the tall figure in front of him. He smiled softly._

Kylo gasped at Hu's smiling face that he saw through the connection and frowned slightly. He never saw the man smiling before. The rush of images returned a second later and Kylo rubbed his temples. It became painful.

_Hux grabbed the other man's face in his hands and kissed the tall person, right on the mouth. The other moaned softly and encircled Hux's small waist then pulled him closer, pressing them flush together, responding to Hux's rough kisses with equal passion._

_Hux took a step back and leaned on the wall behind him._

_The tall man pushed him hard against the wall and bit the lower lip belonging to his ginger lover. Hux whimpered and looked him in the eyes._

Back in his quarters, Kylo was pulled out of the dream and frowned. Why has he received these images from Hux? But before he had the chance to think better the images came back, invading his mind again.

_Rough kisses and trembling with need fingers moving everywhere. Hux moaned again._

_‘Ben...' He said softly 'Ben, someone is coming.' He whispered between licks and bites. A group of Stormtroopers walked past on the parallel corridor but no one turned to look at the hidden couple kissing in the dark corner. 'Some Stormtroopers.' The husky voice replied. He lifted Hux off the ground pushing him against the wall. 'We are in the Stormtrooper section, baby.' He told Hux between kisses. Hux moaned loudly. The tall man moved his mouth to Hux's neck, leaving wet traces of saliva and dark purple bites._

Hux blinked his eyes open.

Kylo gasped when the connection broke, the reality if his empty room hitting him. His rosy cheeks meet the coldness of the room. He glanced at the clock and it was past two am. He knew Hux was fully awake now. This dream happened a week later after Kylo asked Hux to take that day off to relax and rest, but after that day, the General can back and it seemed like he was working twice as hard as before. Hux got out of bed after he had been pulled out of the dream and grabbed the edge of his bed, his feet planted on the cold floor. With his elbows on his knees, he rubbed his hands over his sweaty face. He's been asleep for no more than half an hour. He cursed himself in his mind and stood up. From the corner of his room, a ginger cat was watching him with reproachful eyes when he switched on the light.

Hux got himself a glass of water and drank it in one big gulp.

Next day, Kylo walked fast on the bridge and was not surprised to find Hux sitting straight and with a serious expression at his desk. Lieutenant Mitaka was taking some notes on his datapad watching a holoprojection. Captain Phasma and two other lieutenants were talking and she was taking notes.

'Captain, I need a word.' Kylo said as he reached the small group. She stared at him and blinked under her silver helmet.

'Lord Ren?' She said unsure. The two lieutenants bid their goodbye and left. When they were more than an earshot away, Kylo stepped closer.

'I need some assistance, Captain.' She nodded slightly. 'What can I do for you, Lord Ren?'

'It is probably the best if we can speak in your office, rather than here, where we can have full privacy.' He said looking around but no one was paying attention to them. Phasma nodded and lead Kylo to her office, located not far from the bridge. Once they sat down, Phasma removed her silver helmet. Kylo wasn't wearing his, that morning.

'How can help you, Kylo?' She's asked leaning on her elbows on the desk. Kylo took a deep breath.

'I am looking for a person.' He said. Phasma raised an eyebrow.

'I believe he is a Stormtrooper.'

'Has this Stormtrooper done anything wrong?'

'No, I just need to find him.'

'What happened then? Why do you need him?'

'I... It's a personal issue. I need to speak to him.' Kylo said.

'What's his name code?' She pulled out her datapad and prepared to take notes.

‘I don't know his name code, but.... Look, I am looking for someone that his name was or is Ben.' He said and she looked up and frowned.

'Benjamin, maybe?'

'All our Stormtroopers had been programmed from birth. They have a name code like LN 3785 or AV4513.

'Yes, but some of them had a name before we bought them from their mothers on their home planet.' She looked at him sceptically.

'Can you find me this person?' Phasma frowned.

'I doubt it. But I will send what I can do. What's his section no?' she took out his data pad. Kylo shook his head.

'I don't know.' she looked up. 'I can't find him, with this little info. Don't you have some code or section no? I'm not going to lie, it is going to be hard to find such a person.'

'I know. But I believe in you. You can do it.' 'Ren, I've got 550990599 stormtroopers, alive, functioning at this very moment. How can I find him with the info you gave me? Do you know at what level he is working?' she tried again but Kylo shook his head. Phasma let out a long breath. Kylo bit his lips, nervous. The corridor Hux dreamt last night was very similar to other corridors in the Stormtrooper hangar, it had nothing specific and Kylo didn't recognize the place with just the images he got from Hux.

'I'm sorry but that's all I know.' Phasma sighed and looked at her data pad. _Ben or Benjamin. Isn't it weird that this was Lord Ren's old name?_ She wondered but didn't say anything. 

Maybe a Stormtrooper. That's all the info she had. She sighed again. 

'How soon do you need him?'

'As soon as you can get something.' 

'I will see what I can do. Any other info you know bout him?' she asked before standing up. Kylo thought for a minute.

'He might know or he might be friends with ... General Hux.' Phasma's eyebrows shot to her hair line. Lord Ren's clearly didn't know Hux. Hux had no friends besides her. Since they were young. But she didn't say anything. 

'Ok. I'll see if I can find this person. Give me a couple of hours. I'll get in contact with you when I have something.' 

'Thank you, Capitan.' Phasma's locked eyes with him. She was one of the very few friends Kylo had. Actually, cross that, she was the only friend he had.

'Kylo?' she stopped him before leaving. 'Why do you need to find this person?' Kylo shrugged.

'He might have important information for me.' he said then exit the office. He turned to the meditation room corridor, hoping to find some peace and relax.he barely slept at all last night with Hux's depreams and restless night. He felt bad for he lies he told Phasma about the reason he needed her to find Ben, but it was the only way he could find the person that Hux was dreaming about and if he had to find him and send him flying in Hux's arms, he will do it! No matter how much this will hurt him. No matter how much he would like to be with Hux. He cared too much for Hux to let him suffer this way. If Hux loved this man, then Kylo could only help him be with this person. It hurt. Of course it hurt to know Hux loved someone else, but he wanted Hux to be happy. Kylo fast as he opened the meditation room and ignored the tears threatening to fall.

If this Ben was a Stormtrooper and Hux thought they can't be together because of their positions, then Kylo would convince Hux to forget about the rank and happy. 

Kylo will hide his feelings and let them be together. Hux hated him anyway. For different reasons, really. For being Snoke's favourite, for distroying Starkiller Base, for losing his temper more often than necessary. For acting so immature.  So, it would be easier to hide his feelings, and let him be happy with the Stormtrooper. 

His feelings would die slowly. 

 

As he entered Phasma's office that late afternoon, Kylo's courage left him. Can he really do this? Can he really bring the man of Hux's dreams to Hux and let them be happy? That would crush him. How can he face this person and know that he is the reason of Hux's dreams? Hux's desires and Hux's affections? 

'Kylo.' she took a deposit breath and pulled a stack of papers out of her draw. Kylo sat down in front of her desk. 

'I've found fifty three Stormtroopers that had a name similar to Ben and Benjamin.' Kylo nodded. 

'Right, and how...?' he shook his head. 

'Hear me out. Twenty eight of them had Benjamin as name. Only seventeen had any interaction or know, meet Hux in the past. And I mean, like they had orders and spike spike di to Hux while on Finalized.'

'No, I need someone who knows Hux more than just that. More than just receiving orders from Hux, more than just a faceless, mask covered Stormtrooper.' she lifted a hand to stop him talking. 

'Two of them know Hux from when they were younger and grew up with Hux's dad.' 

***

The smell of cigarettes hit him, he stopped in his private quarters. He never smoked before but he didn't hate the smell. Somehow it reminded him of Hux. He never saw the man smoking before, but there was a hint of of cigarettes smoke that followed Hux everywhere he went so Kylo assumed the general liked to smoke. 

He stopped in front of his door and scanned the room. There was no one, but the smoke was lingering and the taste in his mouth intensified. He looked around and suddenly there were _trees. Dark, tall and wet from rain._

_The forest._

He took a step forward in his empty, badly illuminated room. _Scrunched leafes ruffled under his feet, the soft tap of his boots on his tiled floor barely audible as the force connection grew stronger. Kylo felt the fog covering his mind but he managed to get to his sofa and sat down, worried that he will become dizzy soon, as it always happened when the connection with Hux was created. He felt the touch of a tree bark under his fingers and an image appeared in his mind. Hux leaned his shoulder against the tree. It was dark and the forest was wet but quiet. He took a long drag of his cigarette and puffed the smoke up, above his head. Kylo could see his long, pale skin at his neck, could taste the cigarette in his mouth. So this is how Hux's mouth taste like... Hux's eyes scanned the dark sky. A few stars were already out, visible through the branches. He took another long drag and puffed the smoke up. Kylo curled his fingers, licking the inside of his mouth, imagining Hux's tongue inside, fighting against his own wet one. His hands started to shake at the thought, feeling upset that this was not possible. Hux took another drag and let the smoke linger in his mouth before slowly, opening his lips to let the smoke curl outside, in the cold air of the forest. He licked the top lip then slowly wet the bottom on as well. Kylo was dizzy, felt the ground run under his feet. Another drag of the cigarette and Hux frowned. A few rain drops fell on his writs while they is hand was moving to take the cigar away from his lips. The thoughts of Ben were so intense. The rain intensified, a soft spray of cold water._

They were stopped on a planet on the Outer Rim Regions, mainly populated by forest. The Finalizer hidden between the trees. The heavy rains and bad weather offered good camouflage from the huge stardestroyer. Hux chose this planet after what happened to Starkiller Base. No one would find them there. The forest had trees taller than the Finalizer. 

_The general took another drag of his cigarette then took a step forward. The leaves were wet and the grass ruffled under his boots. He bend down to pick a leaf and his great coat felt off his shoulders. He ignored it and straightened his back, placing his cigar in his mouth. A million thoughts crossed his mind, the majority of them about work but the most powerful ones about Ben. The person that haunted his dreams. Hux turned and lifted his coat from the ground turmeric dropped it over his arm, not bothering to put it on. He didn't mind the cold._

Kylo's focus came back in the empty room, but his mind fogged again seeing the general walking slowly between the test trees, deeper into the forest with a deep ache in ha heart. Kylo tried to push the images away and break the connection. A few minutes of straining and the smoke and smell faded, leaving him gasping for air. 


	3. The truth

 

 

Hux stormed in the office, threw his gloves on the desk and turned to the man that was following him. It was a few days later when Kylo searched for Hux, to ask the General to take a day off. The dreams and visions intensified and Kylo was exhausted. No matter how much Kylo tried to find this  _Ben_ , he was unsuccessful.

He did find a few Stormtroopers with the same name but Hux told him that he didn't know any of them personally. So Kylo gave up hoping that the matter will improve and the connection with Hux's dreams would stop.

But it didn't!

'I am not ill! I don't need to rest.' The General shouted, anger taking over him. 'Just because I don't sleep well it doesn't mean I can't function properly.' He said fist clenched at his sides, jaw trembling in anger.

'You are overworked. You need time off.' Kylo said calmly, locking eyes with the angered General.

'No, I am not. The destruction of Starkiller Base might have made me a bit stressed and I am spending more than 90% of my time doing plans for a new star destroyer,' Hux paused and rubbed his forehead 'but I do not need so much time off as you are suggesting. I'm tired and ...' He shook his head and walked to his desk. With the tips of his fingers, he brushed the little black notebook on his desk.

'You are thinking of that person again. In these last weeks,' Kylo took a step closer 'he is the only thing you think when you are alone.' he whispered.

'So what?' Hux shouted, then turn to face Kylo. 'I might be a little lovesick.' He shrugged, colour filling his usually pale cheeks and avoided to meet Kylo's eyes.

'Hux... You are hurting over him.' Kylo said softly but Hux shook his head.

'I'm in love, nothing else!' He said, his voice quivered, a lump formed in his throat as he said it. 'For fuck sake! My state has nothing to do with him. And yes, I am hurting because he is not interested in me!' The General looked Kylo straight in the eyes while saying it. 'I can't lock myself in my quarters to rest' He said 'that would give me more time to think of him.' He turned his back to Kylo, to look outside the wide window overlooking the wide forest, outside the Finalizer.

'Who is he?' Kylo asked softly taking another step forward, stopping a few inches away from Hux. The General turned and quickly stepped away from Kylo, trying to put distance between them.

'None of your business.' He replied softly then left his office, leaving Kylo alone.

***

The matter was dropped until a few weeks later when Hux collapsed in the middle of the bridge during his shift.

It was nothing serious, but he had to be rushed to the medbay and kept under observation for 24hrs. Of course, Hux argued and tried to leave but when Phasma intervened and pushed Hux down back on the bed he had to accept the help and care from the medical team.

So after a few days when Kylo returned to the Finalizer after a mission and found out about Hux collapsing during his shift, he rushed straight to Hux. The General was in the middle of the bridge discussing some important matter with Mitakka. Kylo stopped a foot away from Hux and waited for them to finish.

For a few seconds, Kylo stared at Hux without saying anything. The General frowned and dismissed the lieutenant. The other officers on shift pretended not to listen but they were all ears.

'How can I help you, Ren?' Hux asked exasperated, pinching the bridge of his nose.

'What is wrong with you!?' Kylo said. When Hux didn't answer, Kylo took a step closer, invading Hux's personal space. A few eyebrows were raised around the team working on the bridge. Hux looked around and tried to hush the Knight.

'What do you want? Aren't you supposed to be busy with the artefact you just  _rescued_  from that planet you just visited?' Hux took a step back to put distance between them.

'You are the most stubborn man I ever met. Why can't you just take some time off? You fainted while on shift and you still don't want to rest.' Kylo said. Hux raised an eyebrow.

'Why do you care? Why don't you go and do something useful someplace else?'

'I care because if you carry on like this we might end up having an error in the new Starkiller. You are prone to make mistakes!' Kylo lied about his reasons but Hux wouldn't know.

'I don't make mistakes, I'm not you, Ben!' Hux said annoyed. Kylo's frame straightened and he narrowed his eyes. A second after his words left his mouth, Hux realised what he said. He stiffened and hoped Kylo didn't register what he just said.

'What did you just say?' He asked stepping closer to Hux. The General took a step back and looked away.

'I said I don't make mistakes.' He repeated.

'After that. What did you say?' Kylo asked again. Hux looked around the bridge, alarmed that people could hear their conversation.

'I said I don't make mistakes because I am not like you.' He said it in a hushed voice.

'You called me Ben.' Kylo whispered. Then it all came to him. The images he got from Hux from his dreams were with him. It all made sense now!

'It's me.' he whispered, shocked by the discovery.

'Don't be stupid.' Hux said softly. 'It is not you.' he turned and left the bridge.

'Don't lie to me.' Kylo said, following Hux.

'Leave me alone. And forget what I just said.' he told Kylo then rushed down the long corridor that was leading to his office.

'Hux! Stop! Talk to me.' Kylo shouted from behind, but Hux did not stop. He carried on with rushed steps to his office. Kylo increased the speed and caught Hux's arm, making him stop.

'It is me! Admit it! You...' he took a deep breath while Hux tried to set his arm free. 'You are in love with me.' he whispered.

'Forget what I just said. And let me go!' he complained. Kylo shook his head, shocked by the discovery.

'I spend hours trying to find the person you think about, and it was me all the time.'

Hux set his arm free then opened the door to his office, stepping inside.

'Just drop it. It doesn't matter who it is. You or another person. It can't be!'

'No. It matters if it is me. I feel the same, Hux!'

'No, it doesn't matter and you need to forget all this. Now can you please leave. I have a lot of work to do.'

'How can I forget it?'

'Can't you go and meditate or something and forget anything happened!?' He hissed 'Don't think of it, pretend nothing happened.'

'Hux! You are in love with me.' He hissed back at the General, walking away from the desk. 'Tell me? How can I just walk away from this? From you?' He rubbed at his face, clearly in distress. The General was watching him carefully. 'I tried to find the person you are dreaming about to make you happy... Only to discover that you dream of me?' Kylo trembled.

'That has nothing to do with the fact that I'm asking you to forget about it! Thank you for trying. But forget that it's you.' Hux turned and walked away from the desk. Kylo leaned over it, placing his palms on the cold surface, in front of the steel table.

'It does! There is a deep connection between you and me.' He was about to say something more but Hux cut him off.

'Yes, well it is because of me being tired. Damn this body for being human, damn it for requiring sleep and rest and needing ...'  _You_. He trembled but didn't continue his sentence.

'I've tried to find him before I knew it was me, simply because I cared. I have feelings for you too!'

Hux rubbed his hands over his forehead, frowning, then his expression became sad.

'Look, we... ' he looked Kylo straight in the eyes from across the desk. 'We can't be anything. We can't be together.' he said then willed himself to admit it. And he said it. 'I am deeply in love with you and...' he swallowed hard and walked around the desk 'losing Starkiller Base might have affected me more than I can admit it. All my work in the last few years has been reduced to nothing. I'm in pain, physically, from the battle and mentally for all that happened lately.' he stopped and looked away from Kylo. Sadness clouded his features, his voice became soft. Kylo took a step closer, Hux was leaning against his desk, in front of it.

'I find it very hard to rest. I feel that every time I do nothing, every second I'm spending on something else than working is wasted. And yes, I don't eat much, I don't sleep.'

'Hux...' Kylo said sadly.

'That's why I am exhausted. Maybe that's why my feelings are surfacing.' he spoke softly. 'They are haunting me.' he concluded.

'I... I can imagine how you feel.' Kylo said.

'Thank you for your understanding.' Hux looked away, suddenly he looked so much older.

'But none of these... It doesn't mean we can be...'

'We can't.' Hux said determinedly. 'You have to forget everything. We both work for the First Order and that takes all of our time. Snoke will never accept us.' Kylo took a step closer and cupped Hux's face in his big hands.

'Don't say that!' he breathed against Hux's lips, Kylo's forehead rested on Hux's.

'We can't.'

'Snoke doesn't need to know.' Kylo whispered. Hux tried to say something but Kylo cut him off. 'As long as the First Order does well' Kylo said and looked in Hux's eyes. His green eyes were warm and deep.

'Snoke knows.' he sobbed. Kylo moved back to look in his eyes.

'How?' Kylo's thumb was hovering over Hux's bottom lip.

'He...' Hux found it hard to speak seeing the burning desire in Kylo's eyes 'I fell in love with you the moment I saw you. Years back.' he muttered.

'But that's... a long time ago.' Kylo breathed and Hux nodded then closed his eyes.

'Yes, you were a fresh Jedi when you came to the Finalizer. I remember you were still wearing your padawan clothes. Brown and white.' he trembled and opened his eyes. Kylo's face was inches away. How easy would it be to lean forward and kiss him? 'I fell in love you, then and there.' he swallowed hard.

'Sweet one...' Kylo whispered.

'And Snoke knew straight away.' he breathed against Kylo's thumb and Kylo swiped his thumb pad over Hux's bottom lip.

'He forbade me to say or act on my feelings. He...' Hux swallowed hard and closed his eyes 'he made me push you away by acting opposite the way you did. I had to create conflicts between us. And it worked. It pushed you away.' he sobbed, his entire body shook when he whispered the last words. Hux was trying so hard to not cry.

'I remember when I meet you. It was a rainy day on that planet.' Kylo whispered.

'All this is driving me insane.' Hux added. 'He told me... He told me that...' he closed his eyes and felt them fill with tears but swallowed hard. He mentally cursed himself for being so weak to cry. Just like his father used to say about him, being weak and vulnerable.

He opened his eyes and looked at Kylo. 'He told me that it would be easy to find someone to replace me.' he paused, then 'that your loyalty hasn't been proved yet to him so you wouldn't hesitate to kill me... if he was to ask you.' Kylo gasped.

'Oh, stars!' he said and felt a deep pain in his heart knowing that he would have probably done it if Snoke would have asked him to do it.

'I didn't... I don't care if you were to kill me. No.' Hux shook his head 'I just couldn't stand the thought that I wouldn't see you again.' Kylo's lips almost touched Hux's and he closed his eyes, pain printed on his face.

'I chose to not tell you anything and do what Supreme Leader asked me to because this would allow me to see you. To be close to you.' he whispered and a cold tear slipped down his face on the outside corner. Kylo wiped it away with his thumb. Then slowly, with a hard feeling after all he learned today, he leaned forward and kissed Hux's trembling lips. The General pressed closer opening his mouth to capture Kylo's lips then moved away.

'We can't.' he wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his coat and walked behind his desk. Kylo was left stunned, his hands were trembling, eyes closed.

'Let's forget anything happened here and move on.' Hux said and when Kylo's eyes meet his, he saw the General, not the man that was in his arms a second ago.

'I can't.' he mumbled.

'Sure you can. I will never ask for anything. I won't impose my feelings on you! I will try to forget you and stop the dreams that are projected to you.' Kylo's bottom lip trembled to hear Hux's words.

'I wasn't going to tell you how I feel.'

'Hux...'

'We are both co-commanders of the First Order, nothing else.' he said.

'You got so crazy in love with you and yet you expect me to forget it? How can I forget how you felt in my arms a second ago?' Kylo said.

'You have to. Forget everything Kylo.' Hux said. 'Now if you will excuse me, I have some First Order business to take care of.' Hux picked up his glove from the desk and put them on then left the office. Kylo was left behind, his lower lip trembling.


End file.
